Orientation made me a lot of new good friends. Suddenly ACJC is the best place to be. They are awesome.




But now I'm just sad. 
Nobody knows how I am feeling right now because I'm too ashamed to tell anyone at all. I need someone to talk to but there's no one I can talk to. I can't talk to my best friends cause I dont want them to be annoyed, I can't talk to my parents cause they will freak out. I can't talk to my new friends, I can't talk to a stranger because I just can't.
I feel so alone. 






Dear you. 


 I'm a liar, a bitch, a loser,  a girl with no self esteem, I guess I truly am all of those. 
But I loved you. 
You wouldnt believe me because you never did love me. 
You're another one, deceived by this one side of me that is perfect, flawless, adorable, confident, funny,  beautiful, that side I try so hard to portray myself as. 


But the truth is, I'm not all that.
 I'm boring. I'm terrible when it comes to socializing. I don't talk much because I am very bad at speaking. Nobody ever listens to me. Not even my parents. I talk to myself a lot. But when I'm with people, I seldom utter a word cause people will find out how weird I am. I'm an awkward person. I am never good at anything. I used to be so good at the piano. But I stopped playing since I came to Singapore. I lost everything when I came to Singapore. I lost all my friends. I lost all my self-esteem. I have no talent. I can't play tennis well, I'm always at the other court feeling like shit feeling so left out. I  run fast, but never the fastest. Im too short to be fast. I'm just everyone's back up plan. Everyone only ask me out last minute. And I never reject them because I'm afraid to. I'm lazy. My table is so messy. I'm obsessed with my looks. But I am not pretty at all. I look terrible in pictures. 
I'm sad all the time.
I have such a terrible smile.
I look so fierce.
And I'm a coward. 
I think everyone hates me.


Before you saw this side of me, you told me you would never leave me. 
I believed that with all my heart. 
Then you changed your mind and you left. But you didnt tell me you left.
You could have told me. You should have told me. 
But you told me something that made me wait.
I waited everyday.
I check my phone every minute wishing you would talk to me.
I know I should have known better.
I should walk away.
I should walk away now.
But I'm still waiting.
I don't want to leave.
Can you please, ask me to leave?


I'm so messed up inside out. 


I need to stand up and walk away now. 
























I like you & I know its kind of pointless because you could do a lot better than me (I don't mean this in a self-pity kind of way it's just the truth of the matter) and I know that it won't go anywhere but 
I can't help holding on to the hope that possibly, maybe, there is a chance, you could maybe like me too.

 I will never forget.














I will never forget this night for you crushed me tonight.
I feel so embarrassed for the first time in my life.
I wish I can just walk back in time and make my moves more cautiously.
I cannot conclude that all men are jerks because the real men I've known are never like you.
Therefore you are not a man.
You are just a little bitch.
No, I dont even know who you are.








I didn't think.
I am still not thinking.
But I've learnt that thinking doesnt help either.
Maybe this is just my fate.


--------------------------------------------------------


And I will never forget.

1. Failing everything
You think it's easy to take A levels in Singapore? FUCK YOU. Please. FUCK OFF. OMFG. SUCKS SO MUCH I feel like giving up. Correction, I gave up. So what to do with the rest of my life? I just hope I die young.
The problem is, I don't even know why I failed anything at all. I look at my paper, and I just think, why the fuck I dont know how to do this fucking question. FUCK. -.-

2. and other stuff.

AM I FUCKING INVISIBLE TO YOU?

And of course Im not going to tell you how I model all this. :) HARD WORK.

















 '










 On a total random note.
My dog is watching this rack for one whole day.
Didnt move at all.
and we found a snake behind the rack in the end.

When you stop looking, things start to appear out of no where. 
But when you are waiting and longing for something, it goes away. 
What kind of law is this? 

Here's an interesting question.

Scratch your scalp off your head into your brain and you still won't get the answer.

You are at a cross road of which one leads to death and the other to life. 
All nonsense about your stupid death wish aside, let's assume you need to get on the road to life. 
A pair of twins stand before you. They both know exactly where those roads leads to.
You are allowed to ask both of them one question, and one question only, not one question each, just one question that both of them have to answer, however one Always lies and the other Always tells the truth.
What do you ask so you can be led to the right road?

This is not a trick question.
Nor a joke.
It's an IQ question.

Scratch your bloody brain out.

I'm not giving you the answer. Here.
You can totally DM me on_http://twitter.com/V_Chien or http://www.facebook.com/v.chien or follow me on http://vc-vc.tumblr.com.



The last option is awesome.
My tumblr is totally awesome.
It's a hot tumblr.
Sizzling.
Hot.

Ruffled Chestnut Brown hair. Shining golden strains under the stars, reflecting just the right amount of sunlight soothing to the eye, like the soft sand along the coast, warm, as you wrap your fingers in it. Every strain standing in such a perfectly disoriented manner, neatly untidy.  


Brown deep-set eyes. Just like Robert Mitchum's heavy lidded bedroom sleepy eyes contributing to your facade of nonplussed expression. 


Sturdy shoulders, standing steady like the oak tree in the spring with extended branches.
Your silhouette beautiful like the maple tree in the fall, I always recall with a playful shade of red, orange and yellow.


Charismatic exterior. Seemingly nonchalant yet most of the time, an awfully adorable busybody. 
The way you eat. Savouring every single bite like it's your last meal. 
Your unfriendly stare and the way your words are filled with sarcasm assentuates your confident, winsome personality.
Never very tenderhearted. 
Yet never had a thought that lingered over nicotine. 
Nor alcohol.
Respect. 




Fairly tall. But in my mind you're tall enough to reach the sky or at least as huge as LeBron James, because in my mind, you'll make a perfect baller. You'll make a perfect anything. 






Got you to realize my sheer existence. You know my name. I always tell myself this is enough to feed my satisfaction. 


Is it? 


Maybe not knowing you at all would have been better. 

Pooh Goes Visiting

Pooh always liked a little something at eleven o'clock in the morning, and he was very glad to see Rabbit getting out the plates and mugs; 
and when Rabbit said, 'Honey or condensed milk with your bread?'
 he was so exited that he said, 'Both' 
and then, so as not to seem greedy, he added, 
'But don't bother about the bread, please.'






And for a long time after that he said nothing...until at last, humming to himself in a rather sticky voice, he got up, shook Rabbit lovingly by the paw, and said that he must be going on.
 'Must you?' said Rabbit politely. 
'Well,'said Pooh,
 'I could stay a little longer if it-if you-'
 and he tried very hard to look in the direction of the larder.
 'As a matter of fact,' said Rabbit,
'I was going out myself directly.'
 'Oh well, then, I'll be going on. Good bye.'
 'Well good bye, if you're sure you won't have any more.' 
'Is there any more?' asked Pooh quickly.
 Rabbit took the covers of the dishes, and said
 'No, there wasn't.' 
'I thought not,' said Pooh, nodding to himself.
 'Well Good-bye, I must be going on.'





So he started to climb out of the hole. He pulled with his front paws, and pushed with his back paws, and in a little while his nose was in the open again ... and then his ears ... and then his front paws ... and then his shoulders ... and then-
'Oh, help!'said Pooh,
 'I'd better go back,' 
'Oh bother!'said Pooh,
 'I shall have to go on.'
 'I can't do either!' said Pooh,
 'Oh help and bother!' 
Christopher Robin nodded.
 'Then there's only one thing to be done,' he said. 
'We shall have to wait for you to get thin again.' 
'How long does getting thin take?' asked Pooh anxiously.
 'About a week I should think.' 
'But I can't stay here for a week!'
 'You can stay here all right, silly old Bear. It's getting you out which is so difficult.' 
'We'll read to you,' said Rabbit cheerfully.
 'And I hope it won't snow,' he added. 
'And I say, old fellow, you're taking up a good deal of room in my house - do you mind if I use your back legs as a towel-horse? Because, I mean, there they are - doing nothing - and it would be very convenient just to hang the towels on them.'

 'A Week!' said Pooh gloomily.
 'What about meals?'
 'I'm afraid no meals,' said Christopher Robin,
'because of getting thin quicker. But we will read to you.'






Pooh bear began to sigh, and then found he couldn't because he was so tightly stuck; and a tear rolled down his eye, as he said: 'Then would you read a Sustaining Book, such as would help and comfort a Wedged Bear in Great Tightness?'
 So for a week Christopher Robin read that sort of book at the North end of Pooh, and Rabbit hung his washing on the South end... and in between Bear felt himself getting slenderer and slenderer. And at the end of the week Christopher Robin said,

'Now!'  

Don't remind me, that some days I'm the windshield, and other days I'm just a lucky bug. These cold iron rails leave old mossy trails through the countryside,the crow and the beanfield all my best friends, but boy I need a hug 'cause my heart stops without you.

Don't remind me, I'm a chickadee in love with the sky. But that's clearly not a lot to crow about 'cause when the stars silhouette me I'm scared they'll forget me and flicker out. I taste honey but I haven't seen the hive.
Yeah, I didn't look, I didn't even try. But still my heart stops without you 'cause there's something about you that makes me feel alive.

If the green left the grass on the other side, I would make like a tree and leave. But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get wide? Who knew the other side could be so green?

We are honey and the bee.

Backyard of butterflies surrounded me, I fell in love with you like bees to honey. Let's get up and leave the weeping to the willow tree and pour our tears in the sea. I swear there's a lot of vegetables out there that crop up for air. Yeah, I never thought we were two peas in a pod to be suddenly bloomed and I knew that I'd always love you.


"Oh I'll always love you too. "


If the green left the grass on the other side, I would make like a tree and leave. But if I reached for your hand, would your eyes get wide? Who knew the other side could be so green?


If I reached for your hand for the rest of my life, who knew the other side could be so green.






Paintings I'm proud of. 

THIS YEAR.















Somehow, my dad and mom managed to link the post below to my ambition of becoming a doctor.


Mom : " NOBODY WILL TRUST YOU ANYMORE. YOU CANNOT BECOME A DOCTOR ANYMORE."


My respond? I have no idea why I got so agitated and gave my mom the bitch stare.
They were being irrational but I got intimidated by what they said anyways. 
What I really was thinking :
Do I have what it takes to take up such a prestigious and sacred occupation?


:(
I'm not doing so well in anything at all.